Thursday, February 2, 2012
Last night, I had a very serious phone call with my dad. He made it clear that he felt like I didn't make any effort to see him, and I basically spent 30 minutes reminding him of how much I loved him no matter where I am physically. He doesn't understand that I can love him from Birmingham. It hurts his feelings when I make plans to come home for things like choir competitions or even singing on Sunday mornings when I don't get to see him a lot. The truth is, I could make a lot more time to come home, but that doesn't make it easier. Coming home is really difficult and actually does take a toll on me especially when I need to study or work.
Either way, I just want my dad to understand that my love for him is SO great, and I cherish our relationship more than most of the other relationships I have in my life. I know I am his only girl and I always will be. However, I feel like he is only harming his own heart by trying to cling on to mine. I know he is right in many ways and he teaches me so much. However, It becomes a burden to me sometimes and I start to question a lot of things. For instance, he tells me I should stay home and work all summer. Realistically, that would be the best thing for me to do. Yet, I still feel called to go back to camp this summer.
On top of that, my advisor is telling me I need to take classes this summer also. I complained about it for a moment and he said "If you don't, you will be in college for seven years and you'll get burned out. Keep your eyes on the prize!" I remember before finals last semester the lead pastor at Clearwater (my church--mission outpost here) talking about praying for students and their finals. He says when students ask him to pray for them he will. He says, "I will pray for their preparation." He then went on to talk about how most students are like waiiiit a second, you are supposed to pray for me to pass. That's not the case, that's never the case. Nothing just happens like that. In order to accomplish things it takes work, a lot of hard work. Most of the time, I don't want to.. it's true. I believe with all of my heart that the Lord is teaching me that I have to work, and work hard in all areas of my life. Obviously, with my eyes on the prize. I must remain focused and do everything I do for glory. Which happens to be the reason I'm alive! Today has been a reality check to say the least and it's all for the Lord.
"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ." Colossians 3:23
"Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:58
Love you madly.